Planet Hell

Planet Hell

Dead to the World

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I'm writing something here for once

[Dec. 6th, 2005|06:46 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	relaxed	]
[	Current Music	\|	After Forever - Forlorn Hope	]

I haven't posted anything in my journal in forever, so I figured why not put something. I've been using my Myspace blog to write journal thingys, but maybe I'll start alternating and write like every other entry in my Livejournal. Anywho, here's my Mspace blog entry about the past weekend, for the hell of it. It was good times... and bad... and very fucking thing in between:

Yeah, so originally i really wasn't looking forward to this weekend because I had a lot of work to do (which I still do now, but whatever). It turned out to be one of the craziest weekends in a while, it was, umm, quite the whirlwind of emotions, and it still all seems like kind of a blur. Anyways, I guess I'll start with thursday, I was excited because I was going over to Jonisha's and relaxing before I spent the rest of the weekend doing work. Well, from that point, everything changed. I got realy drunk, shit happened, meh, I'm not going to get into it. On thursday night I was having a good time, but the next day I was in a hell of a shitty mood, and here's the point where I start ranting and go all emo on everone...
Human nature really amazes me sometimes, I know I should expect it, but it just confuses the hell out of me. I son't understand how someone can sit there and spout all sorts of beliefs about how they're so open to everything, and how they really don't give a shit about what other people think, etc..., and then when they happen to stumble slightly outside their comfort zone they are able to abandon their beliefs completely, and change their philosophy jsut so they don't have to deal with certain uncomfortable realizations or descisions. It's ridiculous how people can take a stupid mistake and completely blow it out of proportion, just so they can feel better about themselves; how they can step all over someone and then convince themselves that it's completely justified, and they truly believe that. Thinking about this stuff almost made me physically sick, I don't understand it. It's resolved in my mind though, now, and I'll explain how it's resolved as I resume talking about my weekend.
So anyways, on friday I'm sitting around, hung over, wallowing in pointless introspection. Long story short, I felt confused, and I felt blatantly lied to. Anyways, after that I had to eventually pull myself out of that weird state, get ready, and meet my group for history. I went to the north side to one of my group member's apartment, and for working on a history project, I had a good time. We're writing songs about asian history and performing them in class, and I think we may have suceeded at creating like three of the cheesiest songs ever, it's hilarious, they make me smile. My group is fun to work with too, which helps.
After that I got a ride back to the loop, and I was feeling a lot better. Went over to Jonisha's, watched like half of the Incredibles, and after a pit-stop at my apt. Jonsha and I headed to Max's place Joe's loss of virginity party, a great premise for a party. Anyways, it was the typical Max party, which I really needed. By the end of the night I was just floating, I had a bit to drink, and smoked quite a bit,and had one of the best simultaneous buzz/high's ever. The end of the night was great, max and I were sitting around with a half-awake Monique taking SoCo shots straight out of the bottle while watching Fantasia. It was just the ultimate chill, and I kind of came to a realization at that point. The atmospher was just so great. I was there with friends who truly love me and care about me for who I am, for my sucesses and my failings. There's no pretense or bullshit when I'm around them, I felt like myself.
I passed out on the couch around 7-ish on saturday morning, and woke up at 10, had just enough time to go home, shower, and get some much needed coffee, and head out again to help on a film shoot. By the time I was out and helping though, I was fine, I didn't even have a hangover, and wasn't really very tired until much later. I was glad to help anyways, becaue Mark, the director, is just a genuinely nice person. Plus I got free Taco Bell out of it at the end of the shoot, which made it all worth it, haha. After that I was definitely exhausted. It took me a while to get to sleep, which worried me, but I ended up sleeping really well in the end.
All in all the mindset that I take away from this weekend is that I have no time to worry about things that, in the end, really don't matter. I have lot of work to do in the next 2 weeks, I need to focus, and I don't have time for petty drama, I don't need it to survive like some people seem to. I just need to appreciate the friends that I do have, those who I don't have to apologize to for my mistakes, I'd rather learn from them than dwell on them. I still feel kind of wounded, but wounds heal, I'll just be kind of on-guard for a while, I think, but hey, I'll be home in 2 weeks, and I can take a break from the stress.

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